How to Tell your Spouse You want a Divorce

Pre Divorce Strategy

– Are you in a place where you have decided to end your marriage and now you need to inform your spouse?

– Are you afraid of how they will react?

– Do you want an agreeable end to your marriage but are not sure how your spouse will take the news?

– Do you want a low-conflict divorce?

Ending a marriage is never an easy task. The decision to finally end the marriage takes on average about 2 years. At some point, you start realizing that there are serious differences between you and your partner.

The differences may be related to goals, values and priorities of how you want to live your life. You and your partner may have grown apart and do not have anything in common. In the most difficult cases, you may no longer like or respect your partner.

May people dread telling their partner that they want a divorce. This is understandable.

It is a life-changing event that will affect every aspect you and your partner’s life and that of your children if you have any. Many people want an amicable ending or peaceful uncoupling.

What is required to have an amicable ending to a marriage and a more receptive response to divorce:

You have been informing your partner all along that you are not happy in your marriage
You have been working on your marriage in therapy and together you both decide that marriage cannot continue
You use a therapist to help you uncouple your marriage
You are both are mentally health, stable grown-ups
Both people can financially support themselves
Both people have family and social support to turn to as the decoupling happens
Both people can agree on what it means to put the children first
There is no betrayal or infidelity clouding the issue
Both parties are being honest about their feelings and intentions towards the relationship
There are no third parties

If these conditions are in place, a divorce can usually proceed relatively smoothly. The telling of the divorce is not a surprise but an understood and mutually agreed to event.

However, most couples do not usually take this path to end their marriage. In such cases, there is often unresolved issues and a breakdown of communication and trust. If either of the partners suffers from a mental health issue such as depression or clinical anxiety or personality disorders, the divorce will be complicated and need both legal and mental health support.

The most important thing to understand is that if your partner has no idea the divorce is coming and it is a surprise to them, it is likely to become a high conflict divorce unless you do the proper work to help the person come to terms with the ending of the marriage.

This can be supported by a mental health counsellor for either the couple or the individual.

It is difficult to end the marriage when both parties are not in agreement to ending the marriage. If this is your case, therapy is an important part to ending the marriage. The unsuspecting spouse will need time to get their head around the marriage ending.

They will be scared, confused and overwhelmed. Helping them work through and to gain closure will go a long way to having an amicable ending.

Therapy is the place to get this kind of help. It will help you and your lawyers to have a more amicable ending.

If you would like to learn how you can have a happy marriage through better communication, please contact Tammy Fontana at All in the Family Counselling Centre Pte. Ltd. to learn how you could get the tools and skills for a happier marriage.

When people give therapy the time it needs and commits to the process, marriages do improve.

Tammy Fontana, our lead therapist, can provide you with flexible solutions of in-office, online video session or intensive therapy retreats for you or your corporate team. No longer will business travel or extended overseas stays interrupt your ability to get high quality consistent therapy. We have you covered.