From Manipulation to Divorce: Gaslighting in Marriages

Family Violence

A Hidden Form of Abuse

Gaslighting is a form of psychological and emotional abuse that often goes unnoticed and can seriously weaken the foundation of marriages.

It is where one partner manipulates another to the extent that the victim starts doubting their own reality and perceptions. Typically, this behavior starts subtly—perhaps with a dismissive remark here or an insidious comment there. It may initially be small criticisms or seemingly harmless comments —but over time, it accumulates and may escalate to overt acts of control, significantly impacting the victim’s self-esteem and mental health.

This isolation can lead the victim to believe they are unworthy or incapable, a belief system entirely instilled and manipulated by the abuser. The consequences of such manipulation can be profound. Victims often find themselves second-guessing their worth, value, and power, feeling like they are living in a state of confusion and despair.

Despite being intelligent and independent individuals, they become ensnared in a cycle of manipulation that is hard to break free from.

Identifying Gaslighting in a Relationship

Here are some signs that might indicate gaslighting is occurring in your relationship. If any of these points resonate with you, it could be a sign that you need to investigate further:

You frequently question if you’re too sensitive.
You feel confused or ‘crazy’ in the relationship.
You hesitate or have difficulty executing decisions
You often make excuses for your partner’s behaviour.
You sense something is off but can’t pinpoint what it is.
You repeatedly apologise for your words and actions
You start lying to avoid criticism and manipulations.
You have feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and despair
You question whether you are good enough.

Why is Gaslighting Used to Manipulate others?

Gaslighting is often linked to narcissistic behaviours. Individuals with narcissistic tendencies or narcissistic personalities usually crave admiration and dominance. They struggle to empathize with others and are prone to conflicts in relationships. They are also often unable to see their own faults and would seek to assign blame to another.

Despite this, their charismatic and charming nature can mask their manipulative actions, making it difficult to identify them as abusers. In most cases, other family members and friends would often comment that the abuser “is a good person” or “so and so treats you and everyone well”.

While not exclusive to narcissists, gaslighting is a common trait found in those with narcissistic personality disorder. Such conduct is not gender-exclusive.

The Legal Angle on Gaslighting

From the legal standpoint, gaslighting poses unique challenges in matrimonial and family law. As specialist divorce lawyers, we see many cases where one spouse’s continuous manipulative behaviours compel the other to question their self-worth and reality. In many cases the other spouse may have developed learned helplessness and a belief that they have contributed to or that they deserve such manipulation.

These cases are not about spontaneous disagreements but are rather the result of long-term behavioural patterns that dominate financial or social interactions within the relationship.

Coping with Gaslighting During Divorce

Navigating a divorce where narcissistic behaviours and gaslighting are involved can be particularly challenging, as the manipulation deepens the emotional complexity of the separation. It’s crucial to approach the process with a well-thought-out strategy and strong support systems.

It’s important to maintain clear, documented communications and set firm boundaries during the proceedings. Securing advice from our seasoned divorce lawyers at GJC Law ensures that any manipulative strategies by the gaslighter are identified and countered effectively.