Infidelity, unfortunately, is a common issue faced by many couples, and it can be particularly devastating for marriages and relationships.
In Singapore, divorce statistics show that infidelity is often cited as a significant reason for marriage breakdowns. Understanding the nature of infidelity, its causes, and how to cope with its emotional impact is essential for navigating this complex issue. Below, we break down key aspects of infidelity and provide insight into how couples and individuals can manage its aftermath.
Infidelity is more common than we think
While many believe cheating is a rare occurrence, studies show that infidelity happens more frequently than anticipated, even in countries like Singapore. A report by the Singapore Department of Statistics highlighted that 53% of divorces in 2020 were granted on the grounds of adultery or unreasonable behaviour. These numbers underscore how prevalent cheating is, even in a society that emphasizes traditional family values.
Reasons for Cheating Behaviour
Infidelity is a complex issue with many underlying causes, often rooted in emotional, psychological, or situational factors. Understanding why people cheat can shed light on behaviours that may otherwise seem confusing or hurtful.
1. Anger or Revenge
Cheating can sometimes be driven by anger or the desire for revenge, often in response to a partner’s perceived wrongdoing, such as neglect or infidelity.
2. Falling Out of Love
As the initial excitement and passion fade, some individuals realize they no longer feel in love with their partner, which may lead them to seek new romantic experiences.
3. Feeling Unappreciated
When one partner feels neglected or undervalued, they might turn to someone else for the emotional or sexual validation they feel is lacking in their relationship.
4. Lack of Commitment
Individuals with commitment issues or differing views on exclusivity may be more prone to infidelity, seeking a way out or avoiding deeper emotional ties.
5. Sexual Desire
Some people cheat simply due to physical attraction or sexual curiosity, even if they are otherwise content in their relationship.
6. Situational Factors
Opportunistic cheating can occur due to circumstances like long-distance relationships, being under the influence, or high emotional stress.
7. Self-Esteem
People with low self-esteem may seek validation and a confidence boost through the attention they receive from someone outside their relationship.
The Emotional Impact of Cheating
Discovering that a partner has cheated can lead to a whirlwind of emotions and long-term psychological effects. Understanding the different ways infidelity can impact a person is the first step toward healing.
1. Trust Issue
Cheating often shatters trust, leaving the betrayed partner struggling to trust not only romantic partners but also friends and family members. This erosion of trust can make relationships, both current and future, feel uncertain and insecure.
2. Low Self-Esteem
Infidelity can cause the person who was cheated on to feel inadequate or question their self-worth. It may lead to self-doubt, even though they are not responsible for the cheating.
3. Anxiety and Depression
The emotional toll of infidelity can trigger lingering feelings of sadness, anxiety, and confusion. These emotions can persist, leading to prolonged periods of depression and heightened emotional stress.
4. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
In severe cases, betrayal can cause trauma symptoms similar to PTSD, such as intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and hypervigilance, making it difficult for the person to move forward.
5. Difficulty Forming Attachments
The fear of being hurt again can make it hard for someone to trust future partners or form deep emotional connections, leading to guarded behaviour in new relationships.
6. Impact on Future Relationships
Even in a new, supportive relationship, the scars from past infidelity can cause anxiety and a heightened sensitivity to perceived dishonesty, often leading to misunderstandings and strained interactions.
Understanding these effects can help individuals address the psychological fallout from cheating and take steps toward emotional recovery.
Deciding to Stay or Leave After Infidelity
One of the most difficult decisions to make after discovering infidelity is whether to stay in the relationship or end it. This choice involves weighing various factors such as trust, the possibility of forgiveness, and the relationship’s overall health.
Option 1: Leave Now
Leaving may be the best option if your partner has repeatedly betrayed you and shown no signs of change. By exiting the relationship, you avoid a potentially prolonged recovery process and protect yourself from further emotional harm. Trust may be too damaged to repair, and moving on can allow you to focus on healing and self-growth.
Option 2: Give It Some Time
Waiting allows you and your spouse to process emotions and seek professional help before making final decisions. It provides space to evaluate whether your marriage can recover, especially if there are signs of genuine remorse and willingness to work on the relationship. Setting boundaries and getting counselling can be helpful during this period.
Option 3: Stay No Matter What
Some people may feel compelled to stay in their marriage for religious, personal, or familial reasons. Staying may be an option if you believe that healing is possible and are committed to working through the challenges, even if the future is uncertain. However, it’s important that this decision is made from a place of strength, not shame or fear.
Infidelity as a Ground for Divorce in Singapore
In Singapore, infidelity, commonly referred to as adultery, is one of the legally recognized grounds for divorce under the Women’s Charter. To file for divorce on the grounds of adultery, the spouse must prove that their partner had a sexual relationship with another person, outside of the marriage.
This can be done through evidence such as witness statements, photographs, or text messages. Adultery can have significant implications on the proceedings, as it may affect decisions regarding child custody, maintenance, and division of assets.
However, the act of adultery alone is not enough to guarantee a divorce. The spouse filing for divorce must also demonstrate that they find it intolerable to live with the cheating partner due to the affair.
It’s important to note that infidelity may also lead to claims of unreasonable behavior, another common ground for divorce in Singapore, when evidence of adultery is difficult to prove.
Infidelity can also accelerate the divorce process, as it is considered strong proof that the marriage has irretrievably broken down, which is the central criterion for divorce under Singapore law.
How GJC Law Can Help
At Gloria James-Civetta & Co., we understand how emotionally taxing and complex cases of infidelity can be. Our team of experienced family lawyers offers compassionate and strategic guidance through divorce proceedings, whether adultery is involved or not.
We provide personalized legal advice on divorce, child custody, and asset division, helping clients navigate the legal aspects of infidelity with confidence and clarity.
We aim to support you through this challenging time and ensure your rights and interests are fully protected. Reach out to us for a consultation to explore your legal options.
We’re here for you
Your 30-minute free consultation with our family lawyers will include advice on:
- Laws applicable to your situation;
- Options available if you decide to take matters forward;
- Estimated costs involved in your matter.
